


You Should've Loved Someone For Loving You

by ashensuhnlight



Series: Maybe All This Time... [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Cunnilingus, Drama, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Transphobia, M/M, Masturbation, Mentioned Kim Jungwoo (NCT), Mentioned Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Mentioned Mark Lee (NCT), Minor Violence, Romance, Trans Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Trans Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Underage Drinking, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, because Yuta is an asshole in this fic, it's in one scene and there will be advance warning, mild sexual harassment, past emotional abuse, please read all THE TAGS
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:54:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29699475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashensuhnlight/pseuds/ashensuhnlight
Summary: Ten is hopeless. Hopelessly in love that is. But he's too busy holding himself back to see the truth: you should love someone who loves you. And sometimes the one who loves you is your best friend.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Past Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Nakamoto Yuta
Series: Maybe All This Time... [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2182617
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so first of all hi! This is like the first ever fic I've ever written and it's something I've put a lot of effort into developing so I'm kind of nervous to finally start posting it but I'm also very excited. Also you can call me Ash! a couple quick housekeeping things:
> 
> \- I do have the entire fic pretty much entirely planned in advance, however actually writing it is something that I'm doing alongside being in college full-time, so while I will try to update once a week that could change depending on how busy I am, I'll try not to go longer than 2 week though.
> 
> -Because this is a work in progress, occasionally I'll write a chapter and then decide to make light adjustments to it or add some more content, when this happens there will be an edit log posted on the chapter on the day I update, which will be date-marked for reference. These adjustments will never be major narrative changes however, just small edits as a consequence of the story evolving as I put it on paper.
> 
> \- The tags on this will update as the plot progresses, especially because there will be smut scenes, so do keep an eye on that, I'll also note when I add/change tags.
> 
> \- As explained in the tags there are themes of emotional abuse in the context of a past relationship, which will be limited to specific chapters, as will the sexual harassment scene, and there will be chapter warnings for those who need them. Additionally, if you're uncomfortable with discussions of transphobia do keep that in mind because it will come up at some points throughout the fic.
> 
> \- All characters in this fic are over 18 but their ages have been adjusted for the purpose of the setting, I will put approximate ages in the series description!
> 
> That's all I have to say for now but I hope y'all enjoy this fic! Please leave feedback/kudos!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit (3/4/2021): Small proofreading edits, added ~1400 words of additional material; Warnings for discussions of transphobia, very mild implication of past sexual trauma.
> 
> (3/6/2021): Changed all instances of "Haechan" to "Donghyuck" for future reference

_"Hey Ten, whatcha lookin' at?"_

_"Hmm? Oh nothing." Ten tore his eyes away from a mop of brown hair as its owner focused on setting drills and glanced over at the man to his right who'd just called out to him. As he leans over the railing in the stands he watches the other man pull his bleach blond hair into a ponytail and exchange a wave with brown hair, who responds in kind with his pinky out in a way that maybe causes Ten's heart to flutter ever so slightly. However the blond makes a beeline for Ten and plants a firm, sloppy kiss on his cheek._

_"Hi YuYu, how are you?"_

_"Mmm hey Tennie, I missed you today, did you miss me?" Yuta slings his arm around Ten’s shoulders, pulling him closer and kissing him some more as he giggles and pretends to push him away. Ten's gaze wanders back to the court as he hears the ball smack against the wood again, the massive brunet now practicing spiking._

_"Of course I missed you YuYu, but I had class and then Johnny dragged me here to watch him do his volleyball shit so I was gonna come back to your dorm after that," Ten explains, turning on his best puppy dog face for his boyfriend. "You're not mad at me right?" Yuta’s been complaining about how much he’s gone, even though he doesn’t spend that much time away from him unless he’s at class or dance practice or his new job. It’s usually just jokes about how much he misses Ten, but they’ve been sharper jokes lately for some reason._

_"Haha I could never stay mad at you, you're so fucking cute baby," Yuta responds, also leaning on the railing, seemingly satisfied with the excuse. "You never come watch my soccer practice though, I'm really good, you should come see me sometime. Y'know Coach said I could probably be team captain next fall if I kept playing so well? We're only freshmen right now too, imagine a sophomore leading the soccer team next fall!"_

_"Oh did he? That's really cool babe, I'm happy for you!" But Ten's mouth is running on autopilot, eyes now once again glued to the dashing athlete leaping into the air to hit a particularly bruising spike that crashes hard against the court floor. He doesn't really care about sports if he’s being honest, in very stereotypical gay fashion, but it never fails to amaze him how captivating it is to watch Johnny do anything volleyball related. It was one of his favourite things to do in high school, sneak into the school gym and watch the team practice, until he got caught by the coach so often that he stopped kicking Ten out and just let him sit somewhere in a corner if he promised to keep quiet. Which he mostly kept to. But it's hard not to cheer for your best friend who's the ace of the team and definitely gonna take them to nationals one day like their lives are a cheesy sports anime._

_Johnny retrieves the ball and puts it away soon after finishing his drills, pulling off his headband and running a hand through silky locks, a sight that Ten would drool over if he didn’t have a healthy sense of shame. And if his boyfriend wasn't right next to him, now frowning slightly at Johnny. Ten never understood why Yuta didn't appreciate Johnny's good looks like he did, but he hadn't managed to figure out why since they'd started dating in September and he'd sort of given up dwelling on it. He supposed it was jealousy, but that was stupid, thinking his friend looked attractive didn't mean he thought Yuta was any less hot. "Ready to go Johnny?" he yells from the stands._

_"Yup! Be there in a sec!" he yells back as Yuta takes his hand and leads the way towards the exit. Johnny joins them shortly, striding over with his gym bag and immediately launches into a spiel about his practice with all the fervor of a golden retriever._

_"- like did you see that spike I did? God it felt so satisfying, I can’t wait to do that again in a real match!"_

_Yuta tightens his grip on Ten's hand and Ten can sense an undertone of suppressed irritation in his next few words. "Yeah that looked really fucking sick dude, but listen, Ten and I gotta go, I promised to study with him when he was done with classes and shit."_

_"Hmm? Oh yeah no problem I really gotta go home and study too, sorry I kept you out so late Ten!"_

_Ten hurries to respond before Yuta drags him out of earshot. "No it’s okay, you know I have fun watching you play, see you later Johnny!". He and Johnny manage to wave their goodbyes to each other before he turns back to Yuta with a pout. "How come you’re so eager to study all of a sudden? You usually never study unless I make you."_

_"I study all the time babe, you’re just too busy lookin’ at Johnny to notice,"Yuta jokes, cracking a suspiciously wide smile and giving Ten another kiss on the forehead. "Plus, midterms are coming up."_

_Ten’s brows furrow but he rolls with it. "Yeah, in like a month. Y’know if you keep saying that I’m gonna start thinking you’re jealous of Johnny, " he counters, batting his eyelashes coyly._

_"I’m not jealous! I just want my Tennie all to myself sometimes."_

_"Suuuure babe."_

**[END FLASHBACK]**

"Thank God we were finally able to snag a place for the four of us that's decently priced and not a day's trek from campus or something, Winwin you're a literal genius." Ten grinned at the genius in question before shoving another dumpling in his mouth. He was more than a little jubilant about the situation. Things in his life weren’t perfect right now, but right now, sitting in the living room of the apartment he and his best friends had moved into this morning, having takeout for dinner like they were a family, he had the audacity to feel a little on top of the world. 

Winwin waved his hand in bashful response, finishing his own mouthful of food to respond. "Ah it's no big deal, technically we did all search together, I just managed to get lucky and stumble across this place."

"You're way too humble man," Jaehyun pipes in, briefly waving his chopsticks in his general direction. "We'd been living separately for like, 2 years because this fucking school kept assigning us all over the place, this is like the Holy Grail of apartments."

"I'm telling you guys, it was an Office of Housing conspiracy to separate the dream team, we're just too powerful when we're allowed to live together," Johnny confidently asserts as though it's the most obvious conclusion in the world, prompting a wave of cackling from the other 3 boys around the coffee table as he admires his handiwork.

"Suuuure Johnny, as though the Office of Housing gives even one iota of a shit about the students it's in charge of," Ten says through laughter and dumpling, "I don't even think they knew that I had Louis running around their dorms when there's a strict "no pet" policy," he continues, sliding the offending feline the other half of the dumpling and watching him scarf it down.

"Oh they definitely knew, you weren't subtle at all, they just chose to ignore it because it's more of a hassle to make people comply with that rule," Jaehyun says smugly, ever the contrarian.

"He has a point," Winwin supplies quietly, sneakily becoming very invested in his noodles to avoid Ten's glare and noises of protest.

"Hey I was very subtle thank you very much! Also Jaehyun shouldn't talk, you didn't even realize we had a cat for like 6 months even though you came over constantly, I still can't believe you had to find out by waking up to find an entire cat in your lap last year." 

"To be fair Jaehyun also didn't notice that I was stealing his snacks for 6 months because he was too high to realize he wasn't the one eating them that fast," Johnny interjects with a snort, expertly dodging the stray grains of rice Jaehyun flings at him that end up behind the couch and sticking his tongue out. "And you're cleaning that later young man!"

Jaehyun rolls his eyes but the smirk on his face betrays him. "Yes sir!"

"Wait," Ten says, suddenly remembering the point of him insisting that they eat dinner together and putting down his takeout with a flourish, "before we christen the apartment with a food fight or whatever we should like, declare our goals for this new chapter of our lives, since we've been fatefully reunited and whatnot. We’re like, serious adults now."

Winwin immediately perks up, also setting down his container. "Oooooh I love this idea, I really want to get my license this year!"

"I for one would just like to get laid, at minimum" says Jaehyun, "besides my goal to survive the year of course."

"Dude you get so much action it's unreal, don't act like you're having a dry spell, if it were anyone's goal to get laid it should be me," Johnny laments, throwing himself back on the couch in mock suffering. "I barely got enough sleep last year with you constantly getting your dick wet across the wall."

Jaehyun' ears flush a deep crimson but he opens his mouth matter-of-factly. "I didn’t have sex _that_ often, plus I gave you plenty of opportunities to hook up with people I knew so you brought that on yourself."

Johnny feigns a look of shock at him for daring to suggest that he attempt to have casual sex with someone. "Jaehyun you know I'm a hopeless romantic, I can't just "hook up" with someone out of the blue! There have to be deep romantic feelings and an established connection between parties; it's a grand affair." He gestures dramatically as Winwin hangs onto his every word with rapt attention. 

"Well I want both, a good railing and a good relationship," Ten proclaims, adjusting his glasses. "I haven't had a boyfriend since He Who Shall Not Be Named and if I don't find someone to dick me down and love me deeply I think I'll die of frustration." 

"Damn that's right, how long has it been again since Yu- He Who Shall Not Be Named?" Jaehyun scrapes the last of his fried rice into his mouth. 

Ten tries not to sound bitter, recalling the past year and change of his sexual history, a dismal stretch of time in which he was certain he acquired more trauma than useful, pleasurable experience. "It's been over a year, all I've had since were those shitty hookups with dudes who were definitely gay but in denial about it because they were banging a trans guy." He rolled his eyes. "Oh wait, there was that one bi dude, Mark? I miss Mark, I wonder what he’s up to now." 

Mark was a good kid, freshman when Ten and company were sophomores, a little clueless but enthusiastic and too kind for his own good. They'd had sex for longer than Ten intended to with someone he wasn’t looking to date, but Mark seemed well-adjusted enough to be okay with the arrangement and was also far too willing to let Ten vent about the many pains of being a trans man trying to date cis gays. Partly because he wanted so badly for Mark to turn out better than the rest and partly because he'd convinced himself that his friends were sick of him complaining about the dominant crisis of his year despite them always being the first ones to know about all his crises. When Mark said he was moving back to Canada after his first year to be closer to his family Ten had actually ached a little inside. If there was anyone he'd slept with that he would be okay with the reminder of on their painfully small campus it was Mark. _[Mark is a good bean uwu]_

"I think he and Donghyuck are dating now," Johnny murmurs, forehead wrinkling as he tries to remember. That cheered Ten up a bit. Donghyuck was sweet if a bit rowdy, another sophomore who'd entered his orbit last year, this time through Johnny. They were volleyball teammates and Donghyuck took to Johnny like an older sibling when he arrived, something Johnny took great pride in. He was trans too, which meant he thought the sun shined out of Ten’s ass when Johnny introduced them and made him feel like he was way cooler than he thought he was. Ten also took solace in the fact that Donghyuck was going to have a boyfriend who wasn’t an absolute meathead, because of his efforts. "But don't worry Ten you'll find someone soon, we have all of junior year ahead of us," Johnny continued, pushing his hair back and giving Ten a wise look and a smile. Something stirred in Ten as he met those warm hazel eyes but Winwin interrupts his reverie.

"Yeah Johnny's right, we still have a ton of time, I think we could all find people to date-" 

"-Or rail!" Jaehyun was now in the kitchen getting water.

"Oh my goodness- or rail, before the end of the year!"

"And if you don't," Johnny chimes in again, smile widening mischievously, "you always have us to help you out." He winks and turns back to eat the last of the food in front of him.

Now, Ten knows that that proposition was just part of Johnny’s playful banter. The four of them have known each other since high school, at some point they got pretty comfortable casually dropping sexual comments or making dirty jokes to each other regularly because they knew it wasn’t serious. But for the briefest of seconds, he almost approaches serious consideration of the prospect… before amused disgust completely derails that train of thought and he exclaims, "Oh my god gross Johnny, I’ve known all of you for far too long and seen you naked way too many times to ever wanna fuck you, no offense." 

Which was partly true, the only people Ten trusted to see him without clothes on outside of sex were his best friends, and in turn he’d seen all of them naked as well. Especially since Johnny and Jaehyun were high school athletes, which gave them somewhat of an indifference to that kind of thing. It did, however, scar poor Winwin more than once until he got used to the two of them walk around in nothing but boxers. Ten considered it a sign of how close they all were, and of how much respect they had for him to not gawk at his chest or look away awkwardly because he refused to bind ("There’s nothing there anyways, what’s the point!" he’d yelled once while they were all drunk on the weekend as sophomores, lifting his shirt and showing off tits that could barely fill A cups, much less require anything more than oversized shirts and sport bras to hide). Binding was fucking uncomfortable anyways, it made him conscious of his body in ways he didn’t like to ponder, and he liked not having to think about his body unless he was feeling vain, being admired, or dancing. He was getting too old and tired to give a shit about how other people thought he should present, and he appreciated having friends who didn’t care and didn’t criticize him so he wasn’t subjected to unsolicited commentary and just felt free to exist. And he kinda didn’t want to ruin that by adding a sexual dynamic.

Johnny’s laughter rings out into the new living room while Jaehyun smoothly comments, "None taken, I feel like at this point we’re too far into this friendship to be able to fuck each other without a mess, it would violate the Geneva Conventions or something." He's probably right, in as much as Ten thinks his friends are attractive (because they are), that's another thing that always stopped him from having any desire to hit on them outside of the platonic flirting they allow themselves to do for fun. He didn't want to ruin the strongest relationships he'd ever had, among other reasons. Especially after he and Yuta broke up. Platonic flirting had gone way too far with them, and he couldn’t afford to go through that again.

The group soon dissolves with full bellies soon after to finish getting settled in, clearing away the leftovers of dinner. Ten drifts off to his room and immediately slips into his own head as he unpacks and puts away the ungodly amount of belongings he dragged from his parents' house to Chicago. It's an exercise that brings him as much peace as it does bittersweet twisting pain because he's never going to be meticulously packing up boxes and trying to shove them into his dad's minivan again, on account of having technically been kicked out over the summer. His parents realized he wasn't letting "the transgender thing" go and actually intended to major in dance against their more practical wishes, so he'd spent a very tense spring of sophomore year working his ass off and selling things to save money to go towards fending for himself, then taking up Winwin’s offer to stay at his parents’ house until they found something permanent. It was for the best he told himself, he hadn’t been happy having to come back to his parents on breaks once he graduated high school, and his sister moving out 2 years before him only made things worse. She was so much better at mediating disagreements but it wasn’t enough. His parents had issues that neither of their children could fix and some part of him spitefully wanted their absences to torture his parents into changing. Or get it together and come watch him graduate college in 2 years.

He also can't stop thinking about the conversation from earlier, and remembering his sex life again. He wanted so badly to jump back into the dating pool or even having casual sex but it exhausts him just to think about the amount of effort it takes to open himself up to guys or hide that he’s trans to avoid the coversation altogether. He hadn’t even come out to Yuta when they started dating, even though he was bisexual, he just had a sense that it wouldn’t go well, and he’d wanted it to go well. Until it didn’t. Yuta wasn't worth coming out to anyways, he thought as he tossed a stuffed shark onto his bed with enough force for it to roll over the other edge.

Maybe he really should just date one of his friends. At least they understood him. 

He pushed that thought aside again though, pulling out a box of books and putting them on his bookshelf, getting sucked into sorting and alphabetizing them until-

"Hey Ten you okay?" Johnny is suddenly leaning against the doorway.

He nearly dropped a copy of _Persepolis_ on his foot. "Jesus Johnny, you came out of nowhere, how are you a fucking giant but so good at being quiet?"

"It’s a talent of mine, makes me good at worming my way into people's hearts." He puts up a cheesy little finger heart but he’s so charming it doesn’t even matter. "Also I came to remind you about the frat party on Saturday? Yeah Saturday."

Ten’s face cracks open in a smile. "You mean the semester kickoff? The biggest party of the year that everyone spends all summer talking about? Yeah I definitely forgot about that, thanks for reminding me." He knows that Johnny knows he wouldn't forget something like that, but Jaehyun probably told him to remind everyone anyways, and he kinda likes that Johnny gave in and did it instead of making Jaehyun do it himself like he probably wanted to.

Johnny smiles back and rolls his eyes good-naturedly. "I think Jaehyun’s cranky about being sober and cockblocked all summer so he’s reeeally anxious to start partying. How’re you doing though, everything okay?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah I’m good, just a lot to think about, new school year and all. But I’m Gucci, I think letting loose before classes is gonna help me get out of my funk too." Ten pulls a couple more books out of the box, preoccupying himself to break eye contact. He feels like he's lying somehow, like one good party isn’t going to be enough to shake his worries loose. Johnny either doesn't notice or doesn't comment though, which he’s thankful for.

"Hell yeah, that’s the spirit! And like I said earlier, we have plenty of time to find what we want, you’ll be fine."

They lock eyes again and Ten swears Johnny's have stars in them that aren't just the reflected light. "Your boundless optimism never ceases to amaze and inspire me," he says, half-seriously and half just to get a rise out of him. He’s occasionally very good at that. 

Just as he predicts, a faint blush spreads across Johnny’s cheeks and he pushes his hand through his hair again to distract himself. "Ah it's nothing, I just want the people I care about to be happy is all." 

"God how are you so sweet and perfect my heart can't take much more of this," Ten swoons, swinging an arm over his eyes in mock distress and making a shooing motion at Johnny. "Please, you must leave immediately before my poor constitution fails me!"

Johnny doubles over in laughter and backs out of the doorway, leaving Ten in the vacuum of his thoughts once again. God he's so fucked. Not in a bad way of course, or at least not bad for now, but he’s feeling just a teensy bit too whipped for his own liking after that interaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit (3/4/2021): So I updated this chapter a bit, if you read this last month and you like the additions I made I'd love to hear it! Also feel free to let me know if you think there's something I forgot to tag and I'll make a note of it ;)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So good news: I didn't give in the urge to delete this fic and pretend it never happened. Also I updated on time!
> 
> Bad news: I spontaneously added about 1400 more words to Chapter 1 because I felt like I skimped too much on giving context for some things out of a fear that it was too long, i'm sorry ;-; I didn't make any drastic changes but a lot of what I added will be built upon later on, I'll try really hard not to make this a habitual thing though! 
> 
> Also this chapter contains sexual content so I'm updating the tags to reflect that! Now please enjoy me not proofreading this chapter thoroughly because I want to pretend to have a normal update schedule

A wise man once said that to get over someone, you have to get under someone else. At least that’s what Ten believed until around his sophomore year of college. One too many disastrous one night stands will do that to you. Regardless, getting under people is a fantastic distraction, and distracting himself is exactly what Ten intends to do tonight. If nothing else, he’s gonna find someone to eat him out. As one does. 

He inspects his eyeliner one last time, then turns to Winwin for approval. "Alright, what do you think, does this scream, "HEY COME FUCK ME?!" or am I being too subtle?"

Winwin snickers but sits up in Ten's desk chair and surveys his outfit. "I think strategically-torn fishnets, high waisted short shorts and the tightest black crop top you own are playing it a little safe, you should just show up naked."

"Actually you’re right, nothing screams DTF like showing up prepared. Which technically I am since I’m straight up not wearing underwear right now. Seriously though–" He twists and turns to show off different angles– "is this too much you think? Am I giving off a "Single Twink Who Wants To Get Railed" vibe?"

"You look great Ten don’t worry about it, I know you’re gonna be the hottest person in the room", Winwin assures him, standing up and crossing the room. "Now let's get you to your ball Princess," he jokes, pulling the door open and bowing. Ten chuckles softly and emerges to find Johnny and Jaehyun pre-gaming with vodka shots.

"Whoa when did we have vodka?"

Johnny quickly throws back the shot he just poured and gags before speaking. "Apparently Taeyong and Doyoung live a couple floors down from us and they gave us a housewarming gift! Kinda wish I knew, I would've gotten them something too," he says with a tinge of guilt. "You guys want some before the Uber gets here? It's not great but it'll definitely serve its purpose." 

"’Not great’ is putting it lightly, it tastes like Satan trying to yank your soul out through your kneecaps," says Jaehyun, face still screwed up in disgust. "Reminds me of the time I threw up outside that Wendy's we can never go back to again."

"Oh boy, well now I have to try it," Ten replies, snagging the fresh shot Johnny pours. He pours Winwin one as well and it's almost scary how in-sync their reactions are as the vodka hits their tongues.

"I have so many regrets," Winwin coughs out, wiping a tear from his eye, "this tastes like a Chemistry class accident. Or Everclear. Now I feel like puking outside a Wendy’s," he whines. 

Ten sniffs loudly and grabs the bottle to read the label. "What fucking proof is this? I'm gonna kill Taeyong for trying to poison me before we have to practice our duet this semester," he scowls. Then a chaotic impulse from deep in his lizard brain seizes him. "On second thought…" He puts the entire bottle to his lips, taking a big gulp and slamming it back down on the table. A feral glee overtakes him as three sets of stunned eyes stare back.

"Gimme that," Jaehyun growls, snatching the bottle and knocking back his own masochistically large mouthful while making as much eye contact with him as possible, not to be outdone by a relative lightweight like Ten.

"Oh my god you two are a menace", Johnny groans, taking control of the bottle and putting it as high up as is architecturally possible for safekeeping. His phone vibrates and he pulls it out of his pocket. "Alright Uber's out front, let's get out of here before somebody gives themselves alcohol poisoning."

The party’s already in full swing by the time they get to Phi Beta Kappa and head inside, house crawling with uni students in varying states of intoxication. The boys make a beeline for the kitchen to partake in the finite supply of alcohol on hand but a familiar someone intercepts them, shrieking over the pulsing hip hop.

"Ten!!!" A drunk Taeyong collides violently with Ten, threatening to knock the wind out of him. "You're here!" Ten feels the vodka from Hell hitting him as he tries to balance the both of them and greetings are hastily exchanged before Johnny, Jaehyun, and Winwin depart for the kitchen. In the three years he’s spent at this school it still mystifies him how much his dance captain drinks, and how easily he gets drunk as well. He’s almost jealous, they have a meeting tomorrow morning and he’s probably going to be there bright and early and not at all showing signs of a hangover. 

"Well hi there Taeyong, god you look really drunk, where’s Doyoung?" The two were usually joined at the hip, especially at parties. Doyoung made a weird point of pride out of never drinking, which made him Taeyong's de facto chaperone at social events and Taeyong a pro at giving him the slip.

"Oh he’s-" Taeyong’s head whips around so fast Ten swears he hears a tendon crack but Doyoung is nowhere to be seen- "shit I think I lost him lol. So anyways, did you like the vodka I picked out? Did you try it yet?" The sudden topic change gives Ten a little mental whiplash but he indulges the inquiry about the atrocious vodka.

"I did, It was truly wretched 'Yong, I feel like you're trying to kill me before I usurp your dance captain throne," Ten says with mock concern at a now-giggling Taeyong.

"You're so dramatic Tennie! It's so good though, we should go get more!" He yanks Ten's arm a little too hard in his enthusiasm and they set off in the opposite direction of the kitchen. That’s the last thing he wants to do, but more importantly, Taeyong’s so drunk he’s not even going the right way.

"'Yong, the kitchen is-"

"Nooo the kitchen is sooooo boring, I know someone more fun!"

Ah. Ten isn’t sure he likes the sound of that, Taeyong isn’t exactly known for being a fantastic judge of what a normal amount of "fun" is on a good day. But he’s nothing if not a little too willing to get roped into shenanigans now that he’s getting tipsier. The two wander around the house for a bit until Taeyong spots someone and yells "Lucas!" at the very top of his lungs.

An individual about to drink directly from a bottle that looks nearly identical to the one currently shoved on top of the kitchen cabinets in Ten's apartment (courtesy of Johnny) turns around and lights up like a Christmas tree seeing Taeyong muscle his way through the throng with Ten in tow. 

"Taeyong!! What's up man?"

"Hey Lucas you're fun right? You should let us have more of that vodka since you're sooo fun, Ten tell Lucas how fun he is!" Taeyong begged, tugging Ten’s arm and alerting him to the fact that he’s been dragged here solely for the purpose of a scam. He makes the mistake of meeting Lucas' (very attractive) eyes for a split second and his mind goes completely blank at seeing his actual face up close. He’s got wide twinkly eyes, tousled brown hair, and his lips. God those lips. They look so soft and full and holy shit does Ten suddenly want to sink his teeth into them. He seems so innocent though, Ten almost feels bad for wanting to devour him whole right now. 

"Taeyong you asked me for some like 20 minutes ago, and then you drank too much!" Lucas laughs at Taeyong’s pleading and grabby hands as he dangles the bottle out of the shorter man’s grasp, clearly enjoying his suffering. Somehow it’s super hot watching him use his height to his advantage. "Your cute friend can have some though!" he says, looking at Ten again and giving him a wink that goes straight to Ten’s nether regions. What a dangerous thing to say with such little hesitation. 

"That’s not faaaair, I’m your treasured senior who you would do anything for!" Taeyong whines, on the verge of fake-crying. Ten took this to mean Lucas also did Vet Med, which explained Taeyong knowing someone who couldn’t possibly be an upperclassman with a baby face like that and who wasn’t on the dance team. Curse Ten for having a weakness for younger men, on top of how attractive Lucas is; at this point he might actually lose it if he doesn’t get to fuck him. 

Thankfully, the universe drops the opportunity in his lap, providing a distraction for Taeyong in the form of Doyoung materializing out of thin air to "rescue" Lucas. "Taeyong stop harassing your underclassmen for alcohol!" he scolds. 

Taeyong is unphased, simply redirecting his whining to his best friend, who’s spent long enough building an immunity to his antics to ignore him. He drags Taeyong off, complaining about needing to hydrate, and Ten is mercifully left alone to work his charms on Lucas, who’s watching Doyoung with amusement as he steers Taeyong to the kitchen.

"So I’m Taeyong’s "cute friend" huh?" 

Lucas blushes and turns back to Ten. "Oh haha yeah, I kinda said that to get Taeyong mad but you’re really cute, I swear! Also you're really short," he blurts out, shamelessly letting his eyes rove all over Ten’s body. Ten quite enjoys the attention however, it's what he came here for and he leans into it, getting closer to Lucas. 

"Thanks, I get that a lot! Can I still have some of that?"

"Huh? Oh sure, go ahead!" Lucas hands him the bottle and he takes a swig, showing off a little by swishing it like mouthwash before swallowing it. He hands the bottle back to Lucas and giggles at how easily it was to impress him. "Just a little party trick I learned!"

"That was fucking cool. How tall are you?"

There it is. If Ten had a nickel for every man over 6’0" who asked him that question he’d probably be able to afford better vodka. Though there’s no harm in fudging the truth a smidge if his suspicion is true and Lucas asked because he was into short guys. "Oh I think like, 5’5" or 5’6? These shoes make me look taller though," he says nonchalantly, pointing at his Doc Martens. Hopefully Lucas buys it.

He whistles in approval. "Damn really? That’s hot." He pauses and Ten can feel him deciding whether or not he wants to ask the question he knows is coming. "Uh do you wanna like, head up to my room? It’s way quieter up there." Just according to plan.

Ten takes his arm and pulls himself in even closer, giving Lucas his best bedroom eyes. "Lead the way sir."

Lucas' ears flush slightly under the dim lighting and they make their way towards the stairwell while Ten quickly checks his phone in case he’s gotten any messages since Taeyong kidnapped him. Sure enough, there’s a couple recent unread group chat ones.

Dumb Bitch Squad

Winwin:

Hey where’s Ten 

Did Taeyong actually kidnap him

Ten where are you?

Jaehyun:

no clue but i’m high 

Johnny:

Not the point but congrats

TEN WHERE ARE UUUUUUU

If he doesn’t answer in 30 secs he’s dead

Jaehyun:

or havin sex

lucky bastard

Me:

as a matter of fact I am

having sex

or I will in like 2 seconds

okay byeeeee

Jaehyun:

wait rly

wtf spill

Johnny:

Lmaoooo wait come back

Winwin:

WITH WHO????

Ten decides to leave them hanging, shoving his phone back into his pocket. They’re now on the second floor and the relative quiet is surprisingly a huge relief but he can definitely feel how drunk he is now that things are less chaotic. The toe of his boot catches a little on the top stair and he stumbles into Lucas, who stops to check on him.

"Whoa careful there, you good? If you're too drunk we don't have to, you know…"

"That's really sweet of you," Ten says, righting himself, "but I've wanted to fuck you since I laid eyes on you and if I was too drunk to do that I would definitely not be following you up here." Even in near darkness he can see Lucas get even more flustered and nod as he turns back to the hallway and it's so cute he almost explodes. No drunk hook-up should be capable of being this adorable. He really hopes this one works out well.

As soon as they're inside Lucas' room and the lock clicks, his lips are on Ten’s and they’re absolutely as soft as they look, slotting in between his perfectly. He can’t help but moan a little at getting what he’s been wanting all night, and at Lucas’ wandering hands, hot and heavy on his body. They’re all over his back and ass before Lucas hooks both hands under his thighs, urging him to jump. They only stop kissing for a moment so that Ten can get his legs wrapped around Lucas’ waist. The new angle is heavenly, and Ten seizes the opportunity to deepen the kiss, nipping at his bottom lip so he opens up, then . One hand firmly winds its way into Lucas' hair and Ten gives an experimental tug, eliciting a hiss from him. "Fuck, you're so rough," he mutters without even bothering to pull away. 

He lifts Ten off the wall and it drives him crazy that he can so easily pick him up and carry him, it’s even sexier when Lucas tosses him lightly onto the bed, pulling his own shirt off before immediately diving into the crook of Ten's neck to suck and lick at the skin there. His hand starts wandering again, trailing over his chest and teasing one of his nipples over his shirt, causing Ten to whine and arch his back, chasing the friction. The other one moves further down to Ten’s shorts, palming his crotch.

Ahhh, time to have The Talk. But Ten’s going to stall a bit first, more for his own benefit than Lucas’.

"Mmmm fuck- wait, I still have my shoes on," Ten says, putting his hands on Lucas’ chest to nudge him off gently. He sits back on the edge of the bed and looks on in awe as Ten manages to pull them off without getting up, in a convoluted yet supremely lazy maneuver that involves raising his legs over his head. "Oh also, one more thing," he says, watching his second boot skid across the floor. They were thrifted anyways, so it's fine. He sits up and looks Lucas directly in the eye, willing the alcohol in his system to help him out. "I'm uhhh, not your typical guy."

Lucas cocks his head like a puppy and blinks in confusion and it's so heinous that he gets to be cute and clueless during an exchange like this. "What does that mean?"

Ten sighs. He hates getting more specific, but here goes. "It means I don’t have a dick. I'm trans. Just wanted you to know, because, you know." He points at his crotch and Lucas’ eyes widen slightly as they follow his finger. 

"Ohhhhhh, I mean that's okay, I don't mind at all!" He seems… oddly unperturbed about the whole thing. Ten elects to be hopeful about his reaction

"Really? That’s… kind of a relief actually. And you’re sure you’re good with like, me having a vag and everything?"

Lucas blushes at the terminology but he doesn’t seem repulsed or turned off, which is a good sign. "Of course, you're still a guy and still really hot, and I still wanna fuck you, if you want to," he says, politely waiting for confirmation. 

Ten smiles and beckons Lucas back to him, who resumes his ministrations while laying Ten back onto the pillows. He removes his shorts and reaches down between his legs again to discover that Ten’s been going commando the entire time. The poor boy nearly short-circuits.

"You- you’re not-"

"I don’t wear underwear if I plan on having sex," Ten says breathily, "‘s a good life hack."

"Holy shit that’s hot, can I eat you out? "

"God yes, please do, do anything you want," Ten begs, guiding Lucas' head down to his exposed cunt. Now that he’s confirmed Lucas doesn’t give a shit about what’s between his legs he could not be more enthused to have his head between them. 

"Your pussy looks really nice," he says, as though in a trance as he runs his fingers over soft, pink labia. "Sorry if that sounds weird!" 

"Oh my god no that’s really sweet of you to say, you’re such a cutie," Ten says, running his fingers through Lucas’ hair. "Now please put your mouth on it before I trap you between my thighs."

He quickly complies, running his tongue all the way up Ten's slit and forcing a moan so loud out of him that he bites down hard on one of his knuckles to stifle it. God he’s waited for this so long, he's been so patient but so desperate for MONTHS and it’s finally happening. He’ll have to send Doyoung a thank you card or something. 

"Fuck, you’re really wet," Lucas remarks, lapping at his slick folds like he was trying to quench some kind of insatiable thirst before moving to suck his clit like his life depends on it. He slips a finger into Ten’s entrance at the same time and he nearly cums right here and then, mewling desperately at the sensation and grinding the rest of the way until Lucas is buried in his heat. It’s so much thicker than his own fingers and he barely manages to string together a sentence coherently enough to tell Lucas to insert another one. It burns but it makes him feel so stuffed and that combined with Lucas groaning into his clit every time his hair gets pulled pushes Ten closer to the edge of his first orgasm of the night. He's so obedient too, any command Ten gives is immediately followed, whether it be briefly tongue-fucking him before stuffing him with his fingers again, or letting up on his clit to tease and bite his thighs before diving back in to the main attraction.

He’s in a trance by now, hypnotized by the rhythm of Lucas eating him out and finger fucking him and the way he’s started to play with one of his own nipples again, rubbing it with his fingers and letting his eyes close as he relaxes into all the stimulation. Bad idea. His mind starts wandering, uninhibited by the nothingness behind his eyelids, and suddenly it’s not Lucas doing those magical things to him anymore. There’s different brown hair between his fingers. Different thick fingers sliding in and out of his slick hole, different plush lips wrapped around his clit. There’s even different eyes, watching him intently while he writhes and moans, they’re closer to hazel than deep mahogany, and dear god where is this going-

"Oh _fuck_!" he screams as he orgasms, spasming so hard with the intensity of his pleasure it’s almost painful. His head feels like it’s in the clouds, if it wasn’t for Lucas pulling out of him and the whine that tumbles out of his mouth at the emptiness, he might’ve blacked out right there and then with slick leaking out of him. He manages to sit up by sheer force of will, looking at Lucas with what must be the dopeyest expression on his face. "That," he starts to say, struggling with English for a second, "was so good," he manages to slur out, wobbling slightly on his hands as he props himself up.

Lucas looks pleased as punch to have had this much of an effect on him, but he’s now straining against his jeans after getting Ten off and wants to cum so badly. Even if it means letting Ten leave and jacking off. "Hey, so uhhh, would you be down for round two or not really? You don’t have to! It’s just that um…" He trails off and it’s only then that Ten notices his very obvious bulge. 

"Oh my god you poor thing! Yeah of course we can go again, just gimme a minute," he says, feeling his head start to spin. "Do you have any water?"

"No, but I can go get you some if you want!" he responds, unable to conceal his excitement at the promise of more sex. Ten fumbles for his shorts to dig out his phone as soon as he leaves, opening the group chat once again to give a status report. 

Dumb Bitch Squad

Ten:

update: came so hard i almost blacked out

he hasn’t even put it in yet

Johnny:

That’s great but u still haven’t 

told us who he is yet

Winwin:

Ten I am begging for a name

A description

Anything

Jaehyun:

ye i’m hella curious

also ur friend taeyong is cute when he's drunk

might hit on him just to fuck with u

Ten:

jae no

istg i'll kill you

that’s my dance captain

that’s so weird

Jaehyun:

too late lmao

Ten:

i hate u

Jaehyun:

😝

Winwin:

I know who it is

Some shirtless guy with a boner

just walked into the kitchen

Ten:

fuck

that’s not him

don’t talk to him

Johnny:

He already is lol

He does have a huge boner

Ten:

SEND HIM BACK FUCKERS

HE HASN’T FUCKED ME YET

UGH

Johnny:

He’s leaving calm down 

U know how to pick em

Ten:

ofc i do

k bye again i have dick to ride

Winwin:

Ten please ;-;

Johnny:

Have fuuuuuuun!

Lucas returns with water and he was even thoughtful enough to put ice in it. It's so refreshing that Ten almost downs the entire glass, before setting it on the nightstand and turning to Lucas. "Alright, ready to fuck me big boy?"

"I think I was born ready," he responds eagerly, undoing his fly and pulling his jeans and boxers off at the same time. His cock springs out, rock hard and fucking massive, the sound of it hitting his abs causing Ten to gasp audibly. 

"Jesus fuck your dick is huge," he says, staring hungrily as Lucas kneels between his legs and pulls a condom out of his back pocket. He can feel himself rapidly getting wet again at the thought of all that stretching him out and pounding him until he's delirious.

Lucas laughs nervously while putting the condom on. "I get that a lot, I just hope it fits."

"Oh it will, come on fill me up" Ten says, a little too cocky for his own good. He's practically drooling at this point, 

"Yeah? Alright, you asked for it." He grabs the back of Ten's knee for leverage and lines himself up with his other hand, sinking deep inside Ten and almost bottoming out. 

Ten lets out the most obscene noise and nearly passes out, his eyes rolling so far back in his head it gives him a headache. It's like he's being split open _,_ even with how wet and prepped he is, Lucas' cock is really testing the limits of how much his pussy can handle and it feels _magnificent_. 

"You doing okay?" Lucas asks.

"Mhm, don't worry about me, just fuck me," Ten begs, in the sluttiest voice he can muster. 

On his orders, Lucas doesn't hold back, thrusting so hard and fast Ten feels like he can barely breathe from how far into him Lucas reaches. It hurts like hell but it's the kind of pain Ten thrives on, it gives him such a headrush from how much he loves it. He can't even begin to think, Lucas might as well be fucking his brain directly the way it turns to mush and Ten is reduced to choked moans and crying from how much he's being destroyed. Lucas himself seems incapable of coherent speech, now gripping Ten's thighs and slamming into him while mumbling about how close he is, managing a couple more shaky thrusts before he’s cumming so hard Ten can feel its warmth through the condom. 

Ten doesn't orgasm a second time but as far as he's concerned this was a resounding success, judging by how much his pussy is throbbing. After willing himself to get up before he falls asleep, he dresses himself and bids a now barely-conscious Lucas adieu, gently refusing his sleepy offer to stay the night. Not that he doesn't want to, but it would establish a level of intimacy that Ten doesn’t want to go through the trouble of having to destroy. Plus he really has to find a bathroom right now. And find his friends so they can go home, allowing him to have the post-sex crisis he can feel creeping up on him. 

Back at home the boys swap stories of their nights, Ten conveniently glossing over the part of his sexcapade where he fantasized about Johnny eating him out while fucking a completely different person. It wouldn't even have been that mortifying to him, had he not achieved his only orgasm of the night partly due to a desire for it to come true. But it gnawed at him as he lay in bed willing his brain to just shut down already so he could fucking sleep. Instead, his brain argued with him, reminding him that he couldn’t use being drunk to reason with himself. He hated to admit it, but he knew himself better than that. Alcohol wasn’t a conjurer, drawing ideas and thoughts out of thin air. It was a crowbar, prying open the basement door and dusting off what was already in his head. At some point in the middle of night the basement door finally drifts closes, granting him a laughably inadequate amount of sleep before he drags himself to his dance meeting and silently curses Taeyong for being just as chipper and bright-eyed as he knew he would be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how to format text conversations in HTML so feel free to yell at me about that in the comments lmao, I promise I'll never attempt to convey plot via text conversation ever again because i think it took at least a year off my life to write those sections


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaaa yes this update is late, but it's because I'm changing my update day to Sunday, Thursdays are actually awfully inconvenient for me to proofread/update so now I'll try out Sundays instead! More tags are being added, as always kudos/comments are appreciated! Enjoy!

Ten was having a bit of a day. 

Well he’d been having a bit of a month actually. September had been a shitshow, consisting of such highlights as his continued efforts to bury his feelings about Johnny and dealing with Taeyong's newfound anxiety over everything from his and Ten's duet for the dance club's Winter showcase to his legacy as captain, now that graduation crept ever closer. Ten personally thought he was causing himself a lot of unnecessary stress, but he was more annoyed with the fact that Taeyong wouldn't leave him the hell alone whenever he knew he was home. He had a damn co-captain for crying out loud, what on earth was Doyoung doing if not putting up with his neuroses and constant need for input on useless minutiae? He also had his own workload to worry about, already fighting a losing battle with his classes and praying for fall break to come faster so he could shut himself in his room and crank out assignments.

The culmination of all this was the chain on his bike snapping on his way home from work that afternoon, a fitting metaphor but a major life inconvenience. Normally he prided himself on the fact that he'd managed to survive 20 years of life without learning how to drive, getting good enough at riding his bike to get almost anywhere. But today is decidedly not normal and he's none too pleased about having to walk most of the way back to his apartment. In a freak spot of rain no less. That was also soaking through his favourite cardigan. At least he was almost home. He was the only one without a class to attend around this time, so he was free to change his clothes and have a well-deserved tantrum in the blessed vacancy of his apartment. When he got to the building he took the stairs up to his floor, they were rarely used and the solitude was worth the extra workout; he wasn't sure if he could look another human being in the eye without sobbing in the state he was in. 

Absently fishing his keys out of his bag, he unlocked the door and pushed it open to sounds of moaning emanating from Johnny’s bedroom, situated right next to the foyer. Ten froze just inside the threshold, staring at the door that carelessly hung open mere feet from where he stood. The front door swung closed behind him with an ominous click. Nothing indicated that Johnny had heard him, the noises emanating from his room continuing uninterrupted and now identifiably singular in origin. So he wasn’t having sex (probably), but he was doing something he assumed he would have privacy for.

Ten frantically weighed his options. There was nowhere else he could go, unless he wanted to walk downstairs and beg Taeyong to let him hide there for an hour, which he’d rather sit outside in the pouring rain than do. But even if Johnny was somehow unaware he was home, there was no way he could sneak past undetected. Regardless, he was going to try, slipping off his shoes as quietly as possible and tiptoeing through the hallway, tracking water inside. He was never more grateful than now that Louis appeared to be napping and hadn’t come running to greet him, meowing for food and cuddles. 

As he passed the open door Ten considered making a run for his own room, in sight right around the kitchen. But some morbid curiosity compelled him to glance back into its gaping maw. Johnny was laying in bed with his back to the door wearing nothing but his boxer briefs, humping what looked like one of his plethora of stuffed animals with one leg thrown over it. His open laptop provided the only source of light in the room, though Ten could barely make out what he was watching from where he stood, and he had headphones in, explaining why he was thoroughly oblivious as to the audience he’d acquired. Ten rightfully felt ashamed of himself for taking advantage of this vulnerable state and not averting his eyes, but arousal curled in his gut alongside the shame and suspense of being caught at any moment if Johnny so much as rolled over. All thoughts of being drenched in rain, exhausted, and until a few minutes ago ready to scream into his pillows until he was hoarse had evacuated the premises.

For as long as he could stand the tension he watched Johnny's back undulate in time to the porn on his screen as he thrust into his plushie, muffling his desperate groans of pleasure in it.The sight made Ten wet in spite of himself, of him getting off less than 10 feet away with no awareness of his surroundings. It was a side of Johnny so deeply erotic, that despite their closeness he’d never really seen before, so this tiny glimpse at it made him needy beyond comprehension. It fuelled the fire he’d spent the past month fighting back, making flames of lust surge with a vengeance and keeping him fixated on Johnny’s rhythmic grinding. He stifled a gasp and felt himself clench as Johnny pushed the front of his boxers down to free his dick, still angled away from the door so Ten couldn’t see. He didn’t need to. The knowledge was enough, Ten resisting the urge to push his own hand down his jeans wherein he was certainly leaking through his underwear. Johnny’s grip on the plushie tightened, pulling himself nearly on top of it, his face now buried deep in it as muffled grunts continued to fall from his lips. 

As if this wasn’t enough for him, Ten's greedy little imagination taunted him with a fleeting vision of himself as the plushie, when Johnny started picking up speed, swearing as his orgasm closed in. Fear seized Ten, his time to escape was running out and he had to make a break for it before he screwed himself over. He turned quickly and almost slipped on the laminate as his socks sought purchase, rushing into his own room and shutting the door way too forcefully behind him. Johnny had to have heard that. The slam also woke Louis up, who killed any illusion that he hadn't made a scene with a perturbed yowl before he leapt off Ten’s desk and crossed the room to settle on his bed, glaring at him vindictively. 

"Ten? Is that you?" Johnny called out, his confusion tinged with alarm. 

Ten sank to the floor, hoping it would swallow him up. The shame was back, hot and tight in his chest. He couldn’t tell if Johnny had found out and he didn’t know what to do. So he sat huddled on the floor with bated breath for any sounds from Johnny’s side of the house, hearing faint footsteps approaching his room after a few seconds. They paused in front of his door, before receding to the bathroom further down the hall. The door shut and Ten started strategizing in the seconds that Johnny’s bathroom break buys him. He’d just lie, pretend that the door slamming was from his anger and not from fleeing the scene of his crime. It helps that he’s in a shitty mood again, magnifying his shame. He feels disgusted too, he shouldn’t have turned around, he should’ve just kept walking. If he wasn’t so fucking nosy he wouldn’t be in this mess. He can’t let Johnny know he just stood there and watched him masturbate without his permission. He has to lie and live with the guilt of feeling like a creep to spare Johnny from the knowledge that he is a creep, in his own opinion. 

He hears the bathroom door open again and braces himself for confrontation as footsteps once again pass his doorway. There’s a gentle knock at the door.

"Ten? Is everything okay? Did something happen at work?"

He forces himself off the floor and opens the door. Johnny’s standing outside, now in a tan hoodie as well as his underwear, looking down at him with worry. Call Ten melodramatic, but he hates that Johnny’s concerned about his well-being right now, when he has no idea what the fuck just transpired. He'd almost prefer suspicion, hell, a little anger maybe, anything but kindness he doesn't think he deserves. 

"Sorry about slamming the door, I got pissed off because the chain on my bike broke so I had to walk home in the rain, I didn’t realize you were home," he responds, picking at his wet cardigan. 

"No it’s okay, that sounds awful though, do you want help fixing it? I mean, not now, but when it stops raining I can drive you to a repair shop," he says, "or I can take a look at it myself, I know my way around a wrench." He winks and Ten can’t help but crack a tiny smile.

"Nah I’ll deal with it tomorrow, I just wanna get out of these clothes and become one with the couch." 

"Fair, mind if I join you? I found my dab pen earlier so we can both become one with the couch."

Ten nearly cries from sheer joy. He rarely smokes, which is quite a feat when two of his best friends are basically potheads, but he needs the relaxation right now and day drinking is too depressing. 

"Sure! Just gimme five minutes to change."

"No probs dude, hey do you want a hug or something? You look fucking miserable."

Ten just nods unconsciously, but before he can warn Johnny about his wet clothes his head is being tucked into a shoulder that smells of deodorant. He doesn’t reciprocate but he feels himself crumple a little into Johnny, who pets his hair and gives him a good squeeze before leaving him alone to change. He feels a little like a demon’s been exorcised from him, the weight on his chest a little lighter.

One change of clothes and a vigorous drying session later and Ten emerges from his room in some old running shorts and a long sleeve shirt he's pretty sure wasn't his to begin with – judging by how it hides his shorts and barely covers the tops of his thighs. Johnny's already started without him, blowing smoke out of his nose as he checks his phone. He didn’t bother putting pants on, Ten swears it must be some kind of cosmic revenge prank that he's just sprawled out like this in front of him like this without a care in the world. 

"You better not be looking at porn over there, or I'll make you watch it at full volume right here right now," Ten jokes. He’s already strangling himself subconsciously for a slip like that. 

It doesn't blow his cover though, Johnny merely responds, "I’m just checking Twitter," throwing up his hands. "Oh is that mine? I think I lost one a couple months ago." He’s got a look in his eyes that makes Ten feels a little like he’s appraised. 

He looks down and vaguely remembers rifling through Johnny’s closet ages ago to "borrow" a shirt from him. He preferred the platonic intimacy of having pieces of his friends’ wardrobes in his own rather than just buying his clothes too large. "I think so? Also you and I both know Twitter is full of porn." He flops down next to Johnny and puts his legs in his lap like it’s second nature. He should be getting an Academy Award right now for how calm he's pretending to be, leaning on the back of the couch and pulling out his own phone. Johnny hands him the pen without looking up, resting his arm on Ten's legs. This was going to be a long evening.

"Touché."

Several minutes pass in blissful silence as they pass the pen back and forth.

"Twitter does have good porn though."

"Oh my god."

"I’m just saying, lots of quality content." 

"Please cease immediately, next thing I know you’re gonna start showing me what you get off to," Ten groans, taking another hit. He distantly regrets starting this conversation in jest, Johnny never lets a joke go if he can run it into the ground first and this is such dangerous territory for the both of them to be in. 

"I mean-"

"Nooooo."

"Pffffft I’m kidding, as if I would show you the porn I watch," Johnny says, taking one last puff before abandoning the dab pen on the couch where inevitably it’ll sink between the cushions and get lost again.

Ten falls for the obvious bait, the eternal busybody that he is. "Why, is it gross? Do you have some kind of weird fetish I don't know about? Oh my god are you into vore or something?" He puts his phone down, now shooting Johnny an expectant look.

"Weren't you the one who just said you don't wanna know what I get off to?" He arches an eyebrow at him.

Ten rolls his eyes. "Yeah but now you refuse to tell me so it has to be something really weird, you’re obligated to tell me." 

He snorts. "That means nothing, I like my privacy," he says serenely, back to refreshing his timeline.

"Oh bull shit, you tell me everything, even shit i don't wanna know.” This was partly true, Ten had accumulated years worth of blackmail material from the two of them being friends, not that he would actually use it. “Tell meeeee, come on, is it tentacles? Cock and ball torture? FEET?" now Ten was persistent, all semblance of disinterest out the window. He blamed it on the weed making him annoyingly curious but now he genuinely wanted to know what made Johnny tick.

"Ew god no I'm definitely not into any of those. And there's lots of stuff I don't tell you."

"Like what?"

"Well I'm not gonna tell you Ten, that's kinda the point." 

Ten throws himself back on the couch armrest in despair, the self-induced pain in the back of his head no match for his burning desire to know what Johnny hides from him. "First you won't tell me what kind of porn you watch and now you're keeping secrets from me, what kind of friendship is this!" 

"A pretty good one actually, I'm having a great time." He has the audacity to sound amused with himself, the bastard. 

"Well I am in agony at the thought of my best friend not wanting to divulge his deepest darkest secrets to me," Ten huffs, lower lip jutting out.

Johnny doesn't give him the satisfaction of looking at him, content to ask plainly, "Are you pouting?"

"Maybe."

His chuckles wound Ten even more. "Are you really pouting because I won't tell you my secrets?" 

"Yes!" Ten throws his hands in the air, then folds them dramatically.

Johnny sighs, extracting himself from under Ten's legs and standing up. 

Shit, he pushed it too far. "Wait no don't leave I'm sorry!"

"Calm down I'm not going anywhere," he says, stretching just high enough for his hoodie to ride up. Maybe it was a good thing he could never be convinced to wax off his happy trail.

"Then why-"

And without any warning whatsoever, Johnny swoops down and kisses him. Ten lets out a squeak but he doesn't pull away, instead returning the energy with his own enthusiasm, opening his mouth and letting their lips fit together like puzzle pieces. Johnny expertly shifts without breaking the kiss to position himself over Ten on the couch, supporting himself on his elbows as their legs intertwine. Three layers of fabric between them does nothing to offer a buffer, even when flaccid Johnny's dick pressed firmly against Ten's pelvis, prompting an involuntary whimper as his arousal returns, unfettered by shame or moral quandary. He's almost scared to move from the neck down, fearing that he just fell asleep while high and this is actually just an elaborate cruel dream his mind dug up. But Johnny shifts on top of him again and the friction is real, and electrifying, and Ten grabs his face, tilting his own head to deepen the kiss, their tongues sliding out to meet in the middle. He stops short of outright grinding against the thigh occupying the space between his legs, as needy and wet as he's getting he feels like he’s coaxing an animal into a cage, any sudden escalation on his part and all his bliss would disappear in smoke. 

Which is silly, Johnny initiated this encounter, he’s the one continuing to touch and make out with Ten. But it still felt like it wasn’t real. The languid kissing, punctuated by their soft, breathy noises of pleasure. The way Johnny adjusted his weight to free one of his arms and pull one of Ten's legs around his waist, chasing a near-imperceptible closing of the gap between their bodies. The way he held Ten's thigh as he did it, yearning for as much contact as he could get in their current position, closing in on the hem of his shorts. The way Ten snaked his arms around Johnny's neck in response, one hand fisting his hoodie and the other playing with his hair, drawing out low groans from Johnny as sensual as the ones he'd produced in his bed. This was the closest Ten would ever come to what he wouldn't admit he wanted most, and he took it gratefully, for as long as it lasted.

When their lips finally detach Johnny's keep exploring, trailing over Ten's jawline to where it meets his neck. He aimlessly teases down the side of his neck until coming to a stop over Ten's collarbone, exposed by the way the shirt hangs off his frame. He brushes over it, there's a moment of uncertainty, before Ten quietly asks, "Was this the secret?"

"Um kinda?" He props himself a bit higher on his elbow, pushing hair out his eyes with the hand he removes from up Ten’s shorts. "The secret was that you wearing my shirt gave me the urge to kiss you but, same difference."

The sincerity of his delivery catches Ten off-guard briefly, but he can only counter with "So you have a fetish for little boys in oversized clothing then? Duly noted."

Johnny groans and buries his face in Ten's chest, but he’s stifling a laugh, and soon they’re both giggling over absolutely nothing, still tangled up in each other. 

Then they hear the lock click, and Winwin's voice floats down the hall through the front door.

"Hey is anybody home? I need a little help!"

"Coming!" Johnny's on his feet way too quickly, Ten groggily stumbling after him. 

They're quite a sight rounding the corner, but Winwin's too preoccupied with his umbrella, violin case, book bag, and the two pizza boxes he's juggling to notice. 

"Here, take these," he says, pushing pizza into Johnny's arm, sniffing the air as they move back towards the kitchen. "Did you guys smoke weed?"

"Mhm," Ten says, poking around one of the boxes for a lukewarm slice, starving and eager to swerve the conversation before Winwin has a chance to stumble into asking what they did for the past hour or so besides smoke. "Where'd you get all this from?" 

"Oh uh, the Music department held an event today but they accidentally got too much pizza delivered so it was kind of a free for all afterwards," Winwin said, mildly distracted by the sight of Johnny practically unhinging his jaw to inhale his second massive slice. "I should've tried for three boxes, I didn't know you guys were high."

"S'okay," Johnny says, reaching for yet another slice. The kitchen is filled with chewing and silence until Louis totters in jingling and meowing forlornly for dinner. Ten scoops him up to feed him and they’re all eating when Jaehyun comes home grumbling about the atrocities against physics he is forced to witness from the class he TAs for. There’s no further discussion of what transpired on the couch, and the whole thing will strike Ten as out of the ordinary when he sobers up, but for now it feels like just another weekday, strangely enough.

That night Ten lays in bed still in Johnny’s shirt, replaying their make-out session, until he gets too horny to ignore it and hunts for his collection of sex toys under his bed. He was about to do something that would probably haunt him for a good few months but his conscience was already in shambles and he needed to get this out of his system. He strips out of only his underwear, sporting fresh wet spots just from laying there, and pulls a pink glow-in-the-dark dildo out of the box. It was one of his smallest, perfect for quickly fucking himself with when he didn't feel like prepping for something larger. He wouldn't need lube either, sliding it in between labia already slick with need. The dildo brushes against his clit and he stuffs his other sleeve in his mouth to stifle moans. Winwin might not be a light sleeper but they still share a wall, it’s rude to subject your roommate to the sounds of you masturbating while thinking of your other roommate. He draws it out a bit, just rubbing the toy against his pussy before sinking it slowly into himself.

There’s still an uncomfortable burn as he penetrates himself, but he imagines it’s just how Johnny’s girth would feel if he were doing to Ten what he was doing in his own bed with his plushie. His brain helpfully dredges up that particular fantasy again, this time with vastly more detail. He fucks into his aching cunt as quickly and noiselessly as he’s able to, eyes squeezed shut to focus on the thought of Johnny setting that pace instead, fiercely claiming Ten for himself. For several minutes he keeps himself on the edge, letting heat build in his core but never spill over, drugging himself with his own filthiest thoughts of how he could be fucked senseless if the ramifications didn’t petrify him. Eventually, he replaces his wrist with the front of his shirt to gag himself as he reaches for his clit, wishing the pads of his fingers rubbing circles into it felt more like Johnny’s rough, well-worn ones as he caressed him earlier. An orgasm washes over him, no fanfare but a little death nonetheless. He makes a note to clean the dildo the next morning and sleepily neglects to remove it, wanting to fall asleep to the thought of cockwarming Johnny all night.


End file.
